Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
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