In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
