Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
