are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
