After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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