So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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