i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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