I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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