You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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