I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
