would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
