How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
