I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
