cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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