dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
