You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
