just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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