I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
