what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
