Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
