but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
