He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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