She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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