I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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