Porn is love you can see.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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