So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
