i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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