there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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