he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
