I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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