Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
