'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
