I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
