I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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