No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
