words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
