Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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