he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
