what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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