Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
