you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
