I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
