I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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