UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
