Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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