Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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