Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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