im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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