if i died would you start the facebook group?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
