That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
