Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
