Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
