I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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