East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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