this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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