He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
