Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize