Swine flu. Run for my life!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Reggie can tackle my bush.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We need a shit load of segways right now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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