a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
