I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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