he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
