1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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