My nipple is on Facebook.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
