I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
