Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
