ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
In America we eat man semen.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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