toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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