Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
