can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
