the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize