1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
