Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
