so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
