Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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