I wanna bring you to show and tell
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
