Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
