why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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